August 5, 2009

Three Awesomely Bad Horror Movies about Airplanes

All good things must come to an end and so I eventually had to leave Chicago and my wonderful friend Anna. But then about three days later I was back on a plane at Kansas City International Airport heading towards Houston, Texas.

While Anna and I became friends in Oklahoma almost a decade ago, we have been scattered to the wind. My family has re-located and so has hers. Now her parents reside in Katy, Texas and I was thrilled to be visiting them. Anna and I prepared a list of absurd museums and roadside attractions to visit along with our usual get-together activities: pedicures and horror movies.

So in honor of our tradition, I thought I'd share a list of my three favorite awesomely bad horror films involving road trips. Then I realized that topic was way, way too broad. How do you really narrow that down with so many amazingly terrible movies to choose from? So I narrowed it down a little more - my favorite three awesomely bad horror movies about airplanes.

1. Red Eye

I'll pretty much watch anything that has Cilian Murphy in it. Whether he's wearing a dress in Breakfast on Pluto or a bag over his head in Batman Begins, Murphy is a good actor and a joy to watch. Murphy plays Jackson Rippner who is threatening to kill the father of Lisa Reisert (played by Rachel McAdams) unless she helps him set up a political assassination. For most of the movie, she tries to find clever ways to escape him and get help while the devious Rippner tries to keep his control. My favorite awesomely bad part of this movie is Reisert's choice of weapons. Like when they are in a house and she runs through a kitchen full of knives to grab her field hockey stick. Or on the plane when she gives him a ball point pen tracheotomy (similar to the one seen in Saw V).

2. Final Destination

When it comes to awesomely bad horror movies, the Final Destination series is among the best. The first film is about Death stalking survivors of a plane crash, the second is about Death stalking survivors of a car crash and the third is about Death stalking survivors of a roller coaster crash. Noticing a trend here? I think the entire purpose of this film is just to see how sickly creative horror writers can get. Like they are sitting around a room, getting drunk and saying to each other, "How many ways can we behead a guy?" And as they pass around the bottle, a Final Destination film is written. Whatever mental illness or amount of alcohol it took to create these films, I am so glad they exist. Because they are just terrible and the ways people are die are absolutely bizarre. But that's what makes them awesomely bad and so much fun to watch!

3. Snakes on a Plane

This horror/thriller/comedy and all-around bad movie was re-written and re-shot to incorporate the comments of the film's Internet fanbase before it was released. And therefore this film is the ultimate warning of why you should never take anything said on the Internet seriously. Personally, I think this movie was made just so Samuel L. Jackson could say, "I'm sick of these motherf***ing snakes on this motherf***ing plane!" And that was the only thing that made it worth watching. And the scene about sporks. That was pretty awesome, too.

These three films are my personal favorite awesomely bad horror movies about airplanes. But there are hundreds of other great awesomely bad horror films you can add to this list. Some involving airplanes and some not. Some awesomely bad, some intentionally awesomely bad (like Dusk til Dawn) and some awesomely good (like Psycho). Go ahead, post your list. I'd love to see them!

Total Travel Distance: 1,290 miles (From Chicago to Kansas City, then Kansas City to Katy)