Weird Things Happen in Harlem - New York City, NY

I woke up the morning of the wedding extremely hung over after the previous night of drinking at the White Horse Tavern. Law school has made me a homebody, so I don't drink much at all and hardly ever have a night on the town. So when I woke up that morning, I was surprised by how terrible I felt. I remember thinking, "Holy crap! This is what a hangover is like! I almost forgot!" Of course, it also may be alcohol taking revenge on me for my long neglect.

In any case, I stumbled around my hotel room in a state of confused, achey dehydration and gathered everything I would need to look presentable that afternoon. I was meeting the groom and some other members of the wedding party in Harlem to get ready for the festivities. This would mostly consist of eating greasy food, drinking beer, and trying to properly tie the gentlemen's bow ties. So I grabbed a bag and headed on my way.

Once I arrived at the apartment in Harlem, I decided to have a cigarette before going inside. As I was standing on the sidewalk people watching, I saw a very disheveled woman under the influence of some narcotic stumbling towards me. (This is the nicest way I can think to say, "I saw a homeless woman on crack.") She was slurring her words and yelling what I could only identify as syllables to no one in particular. After she passed me, she started to empty out a black plastic bag. But it was already empty.

Then she waved around...a shallot. To this day, I still do not understand why that woman had a shallot. Where did she even get a shallot? I often cook with shallots and know that they are expensive little delicacies; they definitely cost more than your average onion. So where on earth did a homeless woman under the influence of crack get a shallot? And why was she waving it around?

And thus ends my story about weird things that happen in Harlem.

The Green Monster – Topeka, KS

St. Gregory Apartments, a.k.a. the Green Monster, is a notorious eight-story building in Topeka, so-named for the hideous shade of green it has been painted. I’m sure when the building was first designed someone thought it would be fresh and cheery to have a minty green apartment building in downtown Topeka. But over time, the green tiles that cover the building’s sides have become more of a pus green than mint.

Despite the name and the sickly color of the exterior, it remains in active use. The lobby is the Disability Rights Center of Kansas while the upper floors are apartments. I went to an apartment on the fifth floor once and was immediately horrified by the smells. At one end of the hall, I could smell fried chicken. At the other end of the hall, I could smell something rotting, like a dead body. It was the most disconcerting combination of smells ever. I can understand an apartment hallway that smells like cooking flesh or a hallway that smells like rotting flesh…but both? That suggests nothing good in my mind.

And in all probability, there really could have been a dead body there. The Green Monster has been the site of numerous crimes, including murder. An article on a January 2011 murder in the building was met with anything but surprise and prompted the journalists to recount some of the more notorious past crimes committed there, including multiple murders and the brutal “stomping” that left a man with brain damage in 2007. Some people in Topeka have called for the building to be torn down or at least painted (maybe something about the hideous shade of green inspires some kind of criminal inclination in people nearby?) Maybe the building itself is out to get people. On at least one occasion, a tile fell off the side of the building and landed on a truck in the parking lot below.

I’ve heard the Green Monster wasn’t always a monster, of course. Once it was a popular building where government offices could be run in the lobby while government and political employees could occupy the suites on the upper floors. But something happened. Maybe it was when the shade of green began to shift from sweet to sickly. Maybe it was one when the tiles started to fall off the siding and crush the cars below. Maybe it was the smell. I don’t know. But the Green Monster continues to stand, inspiring confusion and maybe a little fear in the people of Topeka.

Total Time Traveled: 1 hour
Total Distance Traveled: 55 miles
Soundtrack: "Sainthood" Tegan and Sara

Photo Source

Kansas City International Pillow Fight Day - Kansas City, MO

Whenever I had pillow fights as a kid, my mother would always say, "It's always funny until someone gets hurt." And inevitably someone got hurt. Someone fell off the bed, someone hit her head on the nightstand, someone got hit in the eye. (Actually, I shouldn't limit this to pillow fights. A recent marshmallow fight with friends was fun until someone got hit in the eye. Why is it always the eye?) But we kept having pillow fights. There is something about the childish fun of a pillow fight that makes us forget hitting our heads or getting in trouble because you hit your sister way too hard.

It's just fun. Pure and simple.

The Urban Playground Movement brought back the flurry of feathers and fun with International Pillow Fight Day on April 2, 2011. The Urban Playground Movement is trying to make these fun events part of popular culture. They want to replace passive, consumption experiences (like watching television) with fun events that bring people together in their community. I have to admit, a community-wide pillow fight does seem like a better way to spend a Saturday afternoon than catching up on my DVR. (I can do that Sunday night, anyway).

All around the world, people took up their fluffy pillows and started beating the crap out of each other. I, of course, was determined to participate. KC Pillow Fight planned the Kansas City Pillow Fight to take place at the JC Nichols Fountain in Kansas City. This was not the first event. Last year, 80 to 100 people people participated.

There are rules, of course. This isn't the lawless pillow fighting of your youth. The rules are:

1. Soft pillows only!

2. Swing lightly

3. Do not swing at people without pillows or with cameras.

4. Remove glasses beforehand! (This is why someone always gets hit in the eye!)
5. Wait until the signal to begin. The signal is when someone yells, "Pillow fight!"
6. Creativity, fun pillows and costumes are encouraged

It was a beautiful day for a pillow fight - sunny and 75 degrees. A few people came in pajamas with decorated pillows, one guy even came in a panda costume, which prompted cries of "Get the panda!" when the fighting started. A little after 3pm, we heard the cry and started swinging. It was panda-monium (pun absolutely intended)! Everyone was laughing and having a great time, no one hit each other very hard, it was all in good fun. Some people even brought their children, so I let a six-year-old girl take me down. Her mother told me she had been talking the whole drive there about hitting someone until they fell down, so apparently it made her day when I collapsed on the ground and announced my defeat. It was so much fun, I don't understand why it is only once a year. This seriously needs to be a monthly event, at least in the summer.

And by the way, no one got hit in the eye.

Total Time Traveled: 2.5 hours

Total Distance Traveled: 80 miles

Soundtrack: Tegan and Sara "Sainthood"

Fire Hydrant Garden - Topeka, KS

While many of the roadside attractions I see are placed prominently on display, some oddities are tucked away in a quiet neighborhood. One example is the fire hydrant heaven (and doggy playground) in Topeka, Kansas. On a recent trip to Topeka, I left the main roads and took drive through the residential areas where I saw the fire hydrant garden. Surrounding a nice white house on the corner were more fire hydrants I had ever seen in one place. Each loving painted a different color and style with two dogs running around, as happy as they could possibly be.

According to RoadsideAmerica.com: "Claude Belshe started to collect and install old fire hydrants when the garden he and his wife planted was trampled by their two dogs. The hydrants have become heaven for the dogs! They have all been lovingly repainted by his stepson Jeffery. Claude plans for the garden to continue to grow and is always on the lookout for more hydrants. The entire garden can be seen from the street as his dogs are very aggressive to protect their paradise!"

When it comes to lawn decorations, this has to be one of the best I've ever seen (not as great as The Beer Can House in Houston, Texas but still pretty good). Which of course raises the question: why would you decorate your lawn with a bunch of pink flamingos or garden gnomes you can buy at any store when you could make your own decorations that express your own unique personality?

Total Time Traveled: 1 hour
Total Distance Traveled: 54 miles
Soundtrack: "The Meanest of Times" Dropkick Murphys

R.I.P. World's Largest Meat Cleaver - Topeka, KS

I've talked before about the tragedy of disappearing roadside attractions and how sometimes my trips to see them end in disappointment. Most recently I wrote about the missing Muffler Man of Kansas City, Kansas. Sadly, I have another roadside attraction to add to the list of those fading from the fair Midwest - the World's Largest Meat Cleaver in Topeka, Kansas.

The World's Largest Meat Cleaver used to be at the corner of 6th Street and Jackson Street in downtown Topeka. It was not the only oversized roadside attraction in the Kansas capitol city - I have written previously about my visit to see the World's Largest Wren. But sadly my search for the meat cleaver came too late. It was first moved to Topeka in 2006 but by 2009 it was nowhere to be found.

I did a bit of research and found that the meat cleaver was part of a downtown topeka art project known as "Art in the Heart of Topeka" by Downtown Topeka Inc., the Future Heritage of Topeka Inc., and Washburn University.

The meat cleaver was officially called "Untitled II" and was created by Robert Craig, then an associate professor of art and the chairman of the Department of Art and Design at University of Iowa. The work was part of a series called "Skeuomorphic Works," in which he would take utilitarian objects (like a meat cleaver) and construct them on a larger scale. Craig explained his project, "My interest is equally sustained by awareness that these objects were designed for hand use and they are artifacts of a time when technology was still largely dependent on manual processes." His other works can be found throughout the country. "Untitled I" is currently in Skokie, Illinois, which I think is supposed to be an antique ship rudder. "Untitled III" is in North Carolina, and I think it is either a woodchipper or a pizza cutter.

As for the fate of "Untitled II" or the World's Largest Meat Cleaver, I have absolutely no idea where it has gone to.

Total Time Traveled: 1 hour

Total Distance Traveled: 54 miles

Soundtrack: "The Meanest of Times" Dropkick Murphys

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Topeka Computing Museum - Topeka, KS

The Topeka Computing Museum, also known as Ed's $48 Collection, is not so much a museum as it is a window display of old computers.

There are not really any explanations of what the computers are or their history, but I did a bit of digging on the museums website and found a list of their exhibits. You can see: Apple II computers, Atari, Commodore, CP/M machines, calculators, DOS computers, handhelds, kid's computer playthings, Pong, and other contraptions. I recognized some of the machines from my school days. For example, I used to play this great game on a Mac Computer where you would type in the words as they were falling or they would destroy the city below - basically, an educational version of Space Invaders. So that gives you an idea of just how much I know about computers.

I spent a little bit of time looking at the display, trying to have some sort of reaction. But it was like staring at a painting that you don't have the point of reference you need to understand it. All I saw was a window display of obsolete machines.

Total Time Traveled: 1 hour
Total Distance Traveled: 54 miles
Soundtrack: "Sing Loud, Sing Proud" Dropkick Murphys

R.I.P. Muffler Man - Kansas City, KS

I've talked before about the tragedy of disappearing roadside attractions and how sometimes my trips to see them end in disappointment. While researching some fun new places to go, I was sad to learn that another Kansas roadside attraction has been lost - the Kansas City, Kansas Muffler Man.

Muffler Men are giant fiberglass men that can be seen by the road across the country, usually standing about 20-feet tall and holding full-sized car mufflers, or tires to promote various roadside businesses. (Fun Fact: Most Muffler Men were made by International Fiberglass in Venice, California). Muffler Man roadside attractions have a bit of a cult following. There are websites devoted to tracking the locations of Muffler Men and even classifying them by type. The one in Kansas City would have been known as a Halfwit. The Happy Halfwits are identified by their gap-toothed smile and jug ears, usually wearing a straw hat or baseball cap. There are many other kinds of Muffler Men, such as "The Classic" or "The Bunyan." Johnny Kaw in Manhattan would be identified as "Not Really Muffler Man", because while he doesn't meet the technical requirements he is still a really big fiberglass man and apparently deserves mentioning on these lists.

The Kansas City Muffler Man was reported gone in October of 2000. Supposedly, it was removed to make way for road expansion. But before modern development pushed the Muffler Man aside, it had stood there since the 1960's. Supposedly, it was a generic looking Halfwit Muffler Man at a convenience store called Poor Boy's Pantry. It was then repainted in the 1980s with a Hawaiian shirt tucked into his jeans and painted Nike running shoes. Supposedly, his final role before his disappearance was serving as a "bouncer" in front of an adult store.

While I wasn't lucky enough to see Kansas City's Muffler Man, there are plenty more out there. There is one in Wichita I hope to visit soon. If you are on a road trip and want to see a few Muffler Men of your own, check out this map to see where they can be found.

Photo Source

Photo Note: This is not a picture of the actual Muffler Man that was in Kansas City. I couldn't find one, so this is another halfwit Muffler Man to give you an idea of what it would have looked like if it was still around.

Town Center Figures - Leawood, Kansas

When passing through Leawood, most people stop in Town Center. It is the center of town for restaurants and shopping. But as you go to browse the shops and grab a wonderful

meal, you will also notice brightly colored metal sculptures. There is nothing on the sculptures to suggest their names, the artist who created them, or even what they are made of. They are just there, brightly colored like Easter eggs,

There is an artist, bright pink standing before an empty easel while holding a pallet and paint brush. Stereotypically, he is of course wearing a painters smock with a beret and a rather absurd mustache. Elsewhere, there is a bright blue sculpture of a figure holding an umbrella. The gender is ambiguous, descending the stairs in a trench coat with an open umbrella. In another part of the parking lot, there is a pink figure again, this one in motion riding a skateboard. His arms are splayed out as he balances, forming odd angles - like squares and rectangles mashed together to convey a shape that we can't really see, it is motions and angles made solid in metal.

I have scoured the internet in search of answers, even going through archives of Leawood press releases trying to find out who designed the figures or even when they were placed in Town Center. I first saw them in 2008 when I moved to the area and ended up working in Town Center in both retail and food service. I wish I could say I enjoyed my time working there - but I didn't. At all. Of course, that's a story for another time. However if you are passing through Leawood and would like some time to wander and shop, then Town Center is definitely a place to do. And the whimsical sculptures, unnamed and undefined, add both color and curiosity to the experience.

Total Travel Time: 1 hour and 40 minutes

Total Travel Distance: 80 miles

Soundtrack: "Dirty King" The Cliks

Oldest Waterbed Store in the World - Kansas City, MO

If you can navigate the winding streets of Kansas City, survive the traffic of the Plaza, and figure out the confusing intersections of Westport, then hopefully you can find Temple Slug Futon, the oldest waterbed store in the world. Founded on April Fool's Day in 1970, this store is not only a roadside attraction but a haven for all the hippies of Kansas City.

After a few wrong turns in Westport and getting stuck in the holiday traffic of the Plaza, I finally found Temple Slug Futon on the corner of Jefferson and 43rd. With a hanging sign out front announcing its status as the world's older waterbed store, it looks like any other little shop lost in the old and new developments of that neighborhood of Kansas City. But, ever curious, I parked in front of the new apartment complex across the street and wandered in to explore.

I was immediately greeted by the smell of incense and a very kind saleswoman who asked if I was looking for a futon. I politely declined her help and told her I was just browsing. And was there every a collection of things to browse! In addition to the futons and other furniture, there was a wide variety of incense, crystals, candles, oils, and soaps filling the shelves of the store. From the East, there was an eclectic collection of items covered with Chinese symbols, yin-yangs, and Buddhas. For the modern druid, there other items covered with Celtic symbols and pentagrams. As I wandered through the store, I was amazed by the sheer variety of items all celebrating unique philosophies often neglected in the mainstream American culture.

It's weird and wonderful and colorful, even if it does tend to overwhelm the senses. I wandered through the store in a bit of a daze, trying to look at everything but realizing I could examine the shelves for an hour and still not see everything trinket they had to offer. I thought about making a small purchase, just to commemorate the experience, but honestly couldn't decide on anything to get. There were simply too many wonderful and interesting things.

The sales staff there were incredibly nice. They were always there to offer to help me but also let me wander in my happy daze as I browsed the shelves. If you're visiting Kansas City or even just passing through, it may be tempting to just stop by Temple Slug Futon to take a picture of the sign and then drive on. But then you will be missing half the fun. Stop and enjoy, browse and explore. That is why this place has been around for 40 years to earn the title of the world's oldest waterbed store. Because it is just that much fun to look around inside.

Total Travel Time: 1 hour

Total Travel Distance: 60 miles

Soundtrack: "Dookie" Green Day

Mystery Castle - Phoenix, AZ

On Saturday afternoon, Anna and I decided to take a break from horror movies for a couple hours and taking in some local roadside attractions. So we went to the Mystery Castle in Phoenix.

The Mystery Castle is a sad but beautiful story. Boyce Luther Gulley lived on the West Coast and always promised his little girl he would one day build her castle to live in. But when Gulley was diagnosed with tuberculosis and believed he only had a few months to live, he left his family without a word. His wife and daughter would never hear from him again until after his death. Gulley went to Arizona to spend his last few months building his daughter a dream castle. But he didn't live for a few months, he lived for years and built his daughter's dream 18-room castle of stone, adobe, automobile parts and petroglyphs held together by cement. This three-story castle, completed in 1945, is made of stone, adobe, automobile parts and petroglyphs and is held together by a cement mixture including goat's milk.

From his death bed, Gulley wrote to his daughter Mary Lou and told her about the castle. The teenage Mary Lou and her mother moved to her castle in the desert where Mary Lou still lives to this day. The castle gets its name from the "mystery" of the trap door. Gulley told his daughter not to open the trap door until 1948, three years after the house was completed. On New Year's Eve of 1948, Mary Lou and her mother opened the trap door to find a hidden room where her father had hidden gifts for her including the title to the house and gold nuggets.

The castle has 18 rooms, 13 fireplaces, a kitchen, a bar, and even a wedding chapel where wedding ceremonies used to be held! (Fun Fact: There are a collection of shoes left behind by brides in the wedding chapel for good luck). From the castle, you can see the whole cityscape of Phoenix and some beautiful landscape. It is truly a beautiful place with a beautiful story. If you are in Phoenix, be sure to pay a visit to Mary Lou Gulley's Mystery Castle.

Westboro Baptist Church Cult - Topeka, KS

For my tips on dealing with the Westboro Baptist Church Cult, click here.

When I arrived at my internship one day, I discovered a common roadside attraction in Kansas had actually come to me. I have been spending my summer interning for a government agency that helps protect elderly residents of the state. But apparently, the people at Westboro Baptist Church Cult are offended by this. Across the street I saw a group of about eight people holding signs with messages such as “God Hates Jews,” “God Hates America,” and of course their most infamous sign, “God Hates Fags.”

For those unfamiliar with the Westboro Baptist Church Cult, they are a hate group of religious extremists based in Topeka, Kansas. You may have seen them on the news from some of their protests around the country. They are mostly known for picketing soldiers funerals because they believe American soldiers deserve to die because the American government protects and harbors homosexuals. That’s right: they hate the American military because it is too nice to the gays. I don’t know how they rationalize Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, but I’m sure it’s similar to how they rationalized protesting Stevie Nicks. (For those who don’t know, Westboro Baptist Church Cult protested a Stevie Nicks concert in Kansas City because her music will cause you to commit adultery and eat babies. I kid you not.)

This post is about the Westboro Baptist Church Cult as a roadside attraction because at this point that is all they have become. The people of Kansas got used to their shock tactics a long time ago and have pretty much stopped caring. We just assume they are going to protest stupid things and see it as an opportunity to mock them rather than take them seriously.

In fact, counter-protests have started to become the norm. When Westboro Baptist Church Cult showed up to a drag show on the University of Kansas campus, a bunch of students started a counter-protest to raise money for Planned Parenthood, one of the cult’s most prolific enemies. Rather than directly respond to any of their hateful messages, the students made fun of them and managed to raise over $1,000 for Planned Parenthood.

Westboro Baptist Church Cult has taken its show on the road, protesting the funerals of soldiers and stagings of “The Laramie Project.” Locals have responded like many of the students at KU, by holding up signs with slogans like “God Hates Signs,” “God Hates Fuzzy, Tiny Kittens,” and my personal favorite, “Yo, Westboro Baptist Church! I’m happy for you and I’m gonna let you finish but Adolf Hitler was the best anti-semite of all time!” (You can check out some of the best signs here.)

What started out as a way of outraging others with hate and ignorance has actually become an opportunity for local communities to come together in support of love, tolerance, and a sense of humor. I suppose that is why I felt compelled to include them in this blog. Because the truth is, if you drive in Kansas on a road trip then there is a good chance you’re going to see a Westboro Baptist Church Cult protest. But there’s also a good chance you’ll see a counter-protest of people uniting for love and understanding and me holding a sign that says, “God Hates Shellfish.”

Total Time Traveled: 1 hour
Total Distance Traveled: 54 miles
Soundtrack: “Blood on the Tracks” Bob Dylan

Endnote: Why I Call It Westboro Baptist Church Cult

This is not a political blog so I’m not going to get into the finer points of their anti-Semitic, homophobic propaganda. The only point I will make is that Westboro Baptist Church is not a “church,” it is a cult. To call it a church is an insult to all other religious institutions and houses of prayer. The cult is run by Fred Phelps and consists almost entirely of Phelps family members including his children and grandchildren. (Yes, they bring the little kids to protests.) Two of the Phelps children have escaped his cult and described suffering abuse from their father who created the church to elevate himself as a sort of demigod. In 1995, one of his sons claimed that Phelps was enslaving members of the cult and deluding them into believing he was the only righteous man on earth. That is why I will NOT refer to Westboro as a church.

Pictures From the Huffington Post

Johnny Kaw Statute – Manhattan, KS

You can keep Paul Bunyan, Kansas has Johnny Kaw. On the southeast corner of City Park facing Poyntz Avenue in Manhattan, a 30-foot Johnny Kaw looks out with scythe in hand to harvest wheat.

Kaw is a sort of Midwest compilation of American folk heroes into one great Kansas myth. While Bunyan was creating the Grand Canyon, Kaw was digging the Kansas River Valley. While Johnny Appleseed was wondering the countryside to plant trees, Kaw planted wheat and grew giant potatoes. He is also credited with inventing sunflowers, the state flower of Kansas.
Kaw did not have a sidekick blue ox like Bunyan, but he did have a pet wildcat and a pet jayhawk (the wildcat is the mascot for Kansas State University and the jayhawk is the mascot for Kansas University). Just like the rivalry between the schools, Kaw’s pets weren’t too keen on each other and their supposed fights were the cause of the Dust Bowl. Kaw had his own effect on the weather he was supposed to be able to control the weather by lopping the funnels off of tornadoes and wringing out clouds to bring rain to dry crops.

While the tall tales of Bunyan and Appleseed have developed over time, the legend of Kaw was invented in 1955 by George Filinger, a professor of horticulture at Kansas State University, to celebrate the centennial of Manhattan. The myth of Kaw was published in The Manhattan Mercury to celebrate the centennial and later collected into various books.

In 1966, Kaw was memorialized in a 30-foot, statue that cost $7,000 to build. He was designed by Elmer Tomasch, a member of the Kansas State University’s Art Department. Just as Kaw’s legend was created in Manhattan, the local residents created the statue by donating time, materials, and money in the hopes of cementing Kaw’s status as a Kansas folk hero.

I had never heard of Johnny Kaw before I moved to Kansas and still had not heard of him until I saw the statute on a recent trip to Manhattan. As the faded yellow and red Kaw looks out over Manhattan, children were running and screaming through the park playing on the jungle gyms and cooling off from the triple degree heat in the public pool. They didn’t seem to pay much attention to the giant folk hero towering over them as they played, but I suppose they are used to seeing the stoic yellow face with hollow eyes and a set, square jaw set against the clear blue sky.

For me, it was interesting to see though rather unremarkable. Since learning the legends of Johnny Kaw, I feel like the statue doesn’t do him justice. It is tall and it is prominent, but it lacks the whimsy of his adventures. It is monotone – a yellow and red painted statue that is only notable because it is big. When he was built, Kansans hoped the statute would solidify Kaw’s standing as a folk hero and the statute itself would become a roadside attraction. Well, he has become a roadside attraction but I don’t think as great a one as he could be. I wish there was something more to tell the wandering traveler who this legend is – who is the brawny man clutching a scythe so large it would clear a field in one swoop?

Even if the Kaw statute is not entirely awe-inspiring, I have fallen in love with the legend of Johnny Kaw. There is something quite brilliant about having a folk hero for your own state; something that conveys a sense of pride in the natural wonders of your home and the imaginative myths created to explain them. While Kaw may not have Bunyan’s fame, he certainly has a lot to smile about when he looks out from his home in Manhattan.

Total Time Traveled: 3 hours
Total Distance Traveled: 170 miles
Soundtrack: "Are You Man Enough?" Betty Blowtorch

Oversized Suit of Armor – Thayer, KS

After a wonderful weekend with my friends, it was time to head back to Kansas and my real life. It was not a particularly pleasant journey. To get from Tulsa to Lawrence requires taking Highway 169, a one lane highway through cornfields and small towns. It is a beautiful drive in good weather, but I did not have good weather. I had storms that made it difficult and occasionally impossible to see more than a few feet in front of me through the wall of water pouring down my windshield.

The highway did offer one pleasant surprise. Around Thayer, I was getting tired and really needed to stretch my legs. Thayer is an extremely small town off of Highway 169. The town is one square mile and has a population of about 500 people (to put that in context, Lawrence is a little less than 30 square miles and has a population of about 92,000). But small towns do have their appeal. In this case, the appeal was an odd oversized suit of armor by the side of the road.

As I pulled into the parking lot of a market, I saw a sign for Wholesale Imports offering wrought iron works, pottery and antiques. In a small gated area, I could see hundreds of different unique items from wrought iron decorations to a suit of armor almost as big as the building. I tried to go inside but the shop was closed that day, leaving me out in the drizzling rain to wonder just why the hell anyone in a town of 500 people would have this huge, medieval contraption?

I left without an answer but continued to search for one after my return home. Despite a thorough online search, I couldn’t find the shop listed anywhere. I know it was on Galvenston Street (also known as Highway 169) and was next to Mama C’s Grocery, a little store kind enough to let a weary traveler use their restroom and purchase some refreshments. I was going to have to be a little cleverer, instead of just relying on the internet to tell me what I wanted to know.

Using a street view on Google maps, I was able to find the building again and figure out an approximate address. The address proved to be of little use however, it was not actually listed anywhere. I continued by searching through every yellow pages I could find for Thayer, but still to no avail.

I have come to the conclusion that the only way I may ever answer where the suit of arms came from is by driving back to Thayer and hoping the shop is open this time. It is about 120 miles away, so maybe sometime when the weather is nice I will make another trip along highway 169 and solve the mystery of the Oversized Suit of Armor.

Total Distance Traveled: 230 miles (From Tulsa to Thayer, then Thayer to Lawrence)
Total Time Traveled: 5 hours
Soundtrack: “Canon” Ani DiFranco and Country Radio

Giant Sewing Needle and Button - Kansas City, MO

My first attempt to find the giant sewing needle and button in Kansas City almost turned into a disaster but my second attempt, as you can see, was quite successful. I had assumed from the description of giant sewing paraphernalia that something like this would be easy to find. That's not the case. They actually blend into the urban surroundings quite well and are located in a small plaza so it isn't easily visible from the main streets. It's something you have to really be looking for and I can't really say the effort is entirely worth it.

The steel sculpture was erected in 2002 in the urban park to remind people about the history of Kansas City's garment district. While it may be a reminder, it is not particularly awe-inspiring. At about 19 feet tall, it is not the largest needle or button in the world. It isn't even the largest such commemoration of a garment district. In the Fashion District of New York City at W. 39th St. and Seventh Avenue, you can find a much larger button and needle. It marks the Fashion Center Information Kiosk. Built in 1995, the sculpture has a 31' long needle and the world's largest button. Comparatively, the Kansas City version is dwarfed both in size and appeal.

As far as the park goes, it is more of an open concrete space than anything I would traditionally consider a park. Beyond the fountain, a few trees and a bit of shrubbery, it seems more like a place you would sit to grab a quick lunch then really linger for any extended period of time.

The district was placed in the historic registry in 1973. The urban park is meant to be a reminder of the garment industry's glory days as an important part of Kansas City's development. But the structure is not very informational. There's not much to learn about the history of the garment industry beyond a few plaques with some names and dates. Not being familiar with the garment industry, those names didn't really resonate with me as to who they were or what they might have done. To really learn something, you would need to make an appointment with the Historic Garment District Museum located at 801 Broadway. The museum is only open by appointment.

Total Trip Time: 45 minutes

Total Travel Distance: 44 miles

Soundtrack: "Rockferry" Duffy

Texas Prison Museum - Huntsville, TX

Texas is very proud of its prison system. I mean really proud. They're proud to the point it is a little bit creepy and terrifying. That is why they have built an entire museum dedicated to the history, development and prominence of their prisons. If you have ever thought about committing a crime in Texas, I encourage you to visit this museum. You'll rethink that plan pretty quickly.

Our introduction to the museum was a twenty minute video about the history of the prison system in Texas. It reassured us on two points. First, prisons were not as barbaric as they had been in the past. And second, Texas does not have "country club prisons." Again, I became sure I never want to go to prison in Texas.

The exhibits that followed focused primarily on objects made and works done by prisoners. There was an entire display of contraband and items such as toothbrushes that had been made into deadly weapons. There were also crafts made by inmates including board games such as a prison version of Monopoly and "Parole Pals." Parole Pals are dolls, very much like the Cabbage Patch baby dolls I had when I was a little girl, that were made by death row inmates and sold by the prison. I'm not sure what twisted parent gave a Parole Pal to their child on Christmas morning, but thankfully they are not made or sold anymore.

There was also a significant portion of the museum dedicated to Texas' death penalty. As Ron White said, "In Texas, we have the death penalty and we use it!" You can see Ol' Sparky, the real electric chair where many Texas criminals were put to death. Now, I'm not going to get into an argument on whether or not the death penalty is a good thing. That's not what this blog is about. But I will say, it was very disturbing. There was an art exhibit about the death penalty including photographs and final statements of those who had been put to death along with statements and photographs of surviving victims who had seen their tormentor put to death. I was not so much sickened by the electric chair though as I was my the labeled syringes that had been used to put a man to death by lethal injection. There is one small display about the anti-death penalty movement but little in the way of information. It is mostly just some pictures and a protest sign.

I was more interested in the twisted historical facts, such as those about Bonnie and Clyde. They aided an escape from a Texas prison and Clyde had spent some time enjoying the hospitality of a Texas penitentiary. But not all the facts are in order. For example, there is a gun on display that was supposedly used in Bonnie and Clyde's last stand against the police. But researchers found the gun wasn't manufactured until after their death. So where's the real gun? Who knows. The one thing I am sure of - I don't want to go to prison in Texas.

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Soundtrack: Country radio!

The Beer Can House - Houston, TX

What would you do if you were tired of mowing the lawn? Re-landscape with concrete. What would you do if you were tired of painting your house? Decorate it with beer cans. At least that's what you would do if you were John Milkovisch.

In 1968, the retired upholsterer covered his lawn with concrete and redwood then decorated it with marbles, rocks and bits of metal. Next, he turned his attention to his house. For eighteen years, Milkovisch used around 50,000 discarded beer cans to cover his home's exterior. When asked what compelled him to do it, he said, "I guess I just thought it was a good idea. And it's easier than painting." Fiscally, it proved to be a smart move. It saved on the cost of paint and lowered the house's energy bills. Not to mention it was a great way to recycle all those empty beer cans he had lying around. I think Milkovisch was ahead of his time. Decades before today's green, eco-friendly culture, he found a great way cheaply save the planet while drinking beer at the same time. That's one hell of an inspiration for a conservationist kegger!

It's a very amusing and very impressive home. The sides are paneled with beer cans while curtains that hang from the roof are strings of circular beer can tops. Milkovisch wanted to make the house "sing" in the wind. There are also bits of Milkovisch's sense of humor everywhere. The outdoor planter - also covered in beer cans - has words like "Is," "Pie," and "Not" on it. They don't actually mean anything. Milkovisch just thought it would be funny to watch people stand around trying to decode some kind of message from the planter.

Inside, visitors can see how Milkovisch worked and learn about the life he shared with his wife Mary. (Fun Fact: When asked what she thought of his decision to cover their home in beer cans, she said, "I thought he was off his rocker but I'm used to it now.") You can see where he cut up cans and worked on his designs. There are also displays where you can read about Milkovisch's biography, the history of the house, and more amusing anecdotes of Milkovisch's clever sense of humor. (Fun Fact: At the beach, he would sometimes put an old faucet in the sand just to watch people come by and try to get water from the spout.)

While Milkovisch thought of his project as an amusing past time, it has become regarded by the Houston community as a city landmark and work of art. The Orange Show Center for Visionary Art acquired the Beer Can House after John Milkovisch and his wife, Mary, passed away. The Orange Show Center is now working on a massive restoration project to keep the house's original integrity.

Travel Distance: 27 miles
Total Trip Time: 1 hour
Soundtrack: Do I really need to say we were still listening to country radio?

National Museum of Funeral History - Houston, TX

One of the many reasons I love visiting my friend Anna is that she has always planned a visit to somewhere interesting and just plain weird. In Chicago, we tried to visit the International Museum of Surgical Science but that plan was derailed by the fact there is no parking in the city. Her plan for Texas, however, was brilliant and came to full fruition with our visit to the National Museum of Funeral History. Anna and I share a morbid sense of humor, so this was a treat for both of us.

The National Museum of Funeral History has little to do with death or any of the gory details. It is more about funeral business. The first exhibit is about carriage hearses. Interestingly, they don't mention much about the person who would have been carried in the carriage. It is about the vehicle itself - how it was constructed, the materials used and the time period that influenced the design. The same follows with coffins. Mostly, they about how they were constructed (there is a 1900's coffin factory display) and what influenced different designs. There is, of course, the occasional gruesome story. One coffin was constructed to fit three people - it was commissioned by a couple after their child had died. They planned for him to kill her and then himself and then be buried with their child. They never followed through with their horrifying murder/suicide pact and the coffin is now on display in the museum.

Not all the coffins are simple or gruesome. Some are extravagant like a coffin with real dollar bills and coins in it. In this case, I guess he can take it with him. There are also the whimsical coffins from the "A Life Well Lived: Fantasy Coffins- Kane Quaye" exhibit. Ghanaian sculptor Quaye created coffins to symbolize aspects of the deceased's life. It includes twelve coffins carved to look like a KLM Airliner, a Mercedes Benz, a Fish, a Fishing Canoe, a Leopard, a Chicken, a Bull, a Crab, a fish Eagle, a Lobster, a Shallot, and a Yamaha Outboard Motor.

Other exhibits are devoted to the funerals of the famous. In one area is an exhibit for Presidential funerals. It displays small keepsakes from the historical occasions. Most of these are items specifically for the occasions such as programs from the memorial service, mourning ribbons and newspaper article about the event. There are also personal items from attendees such as the boots worn by a member of the armed guard at the funeral. But like the coffins, there is also the occasional gruesome tidbit - like a piece of scalp taken from Abraham Lincoln's head after he'd been shot.

One of the largest exhibits is "Celebrating the Lives and Deaths of the Popes." The papal exhibit includes a full-scale replica of Pope John Paul II's crypt, an exact reproduction of the coffin used in the funerals of three previous Popes as well as replicas of other Papal vestments. As a result of my good Catholic education, I already knew most of these traditions. But I was thrilled to see something I've never seen before - a Popemobile! Oh I'd seen it on television and seen pictures of it in books, but never had I seen real live Popemobile. For those unmarred by a Catholic school education, the Popemobile is a white Range Rover with a plexiglass case on the back where the Pope stands and waves to people.

There are smaller exhibits describing ancient and current funeral rituals from other cultures, such as Mexico's Day of the Dead and Egypt's mummies. But I was quickly distracted by exhibits on embalming. After reading Mary Roach's "Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers," I got curious about embalming. (Really Weird Fact: The Father of Embalming, Dr. Thomas Holmes, went insane in his later years and lived with parts of cadavers he had embalmed - such as heads on tables in the living room.)

Embalming gained notoriety during the Civil War when 10,000 to 40,000 soldiers were embalmed so they could be transported home for burial. The process has developed and improved over time, often by accident. In nineteenth century Paris, a well-known man died and was embalmed before burial. Later the police suspected he might have been murdered and dug him to re-examine the body. They found arsenic in the body and charged the man's mistress with murder. The embalmer, Dr. Gannal, came forward and revealed arsenic was a component in his embalming fluid so the woman could not be found guilty on that evidence. As a result, Europe outlawed the use of arsenic in embalming fluid in the 1840's. The United States followed suit in the 1870's.

It is was a weird, morbid and educational museum. I left feeling oddly upbeat - like the museum's slogan says, "Any Day Above Ground is a Good One."

Total Travel Distance: 80 miles
Total Trip Time: 3 hours
Soundtrack: You guessed it - Country radio!

Large (But Not World's Largest) Armadillo - Houston, TX

With our nails freshly painted and our bellies full of cupcakes, Anna and I had some stocking up to do. We needed fresh provisions. As we were making our rounds to pick up the necessities, I saw some weird things, like a puddle of urine in aisle two of a store, a chipmunk in the yogurt display of Target, and a palm tree farm (explaining why there were palm trees everywhere even though they don't grow in Texas).

These things were weird, but this is Texas. And the truly weird things can not be seen in a grocery aisle. No, they are gigantic roadside attractions. Like a Large (But Not World's Largest) Armadillo in Houston, Texas.

Goode's Armadillo Palace in Houston isn't easy to miss. Especially with a giant, horned armadillo perched on a rock out front. Armadillo is Spanish for "little armored one" and this particular giant's shell is made from reflective metal so it literally glimmers and shines in the sunlight. The longhorns are an artistic addition and true to Texas heritage. The armadillo is the official small mammel of Texas while the large mammel is designated as the longhorn. Adding longhorns to the giant armadillo is a way to honor both of Texas' special creatures.

While Goode's armadillo is two-stories tall, it is not the largest. The actual World's Largest Armadillo, named Killer, can also be found in Texas. Killer, created by sculptor Marc Rankin of Strawn, was built in 2002 for a celebration at Six Flags over Texas. Constructed from scrap steel, Killer is 48 feet long and weighs 4 1/2 tons. (Fun Fact: A typical Giant Armadillo weighs an average of 28kg, so Killer weighs as more than 145 live Giant Armadillos put together!) The World's Largest Armadillo now resides at Fall Creek Farms in Granbury, Texas and still has the title in the Guiness book of World Records.



Total Travel Distance: 30 miles
Soundtrack: Country radio (What else are you going to listen to in Texas?)