Road Trip Philosophy - My Top Three Bad Horror Movies about Hotels

I love bad horror movies almost as much as love good ones. But these...these are so bad they are not even funny. I'm almost proud I've seen them because that means I have sat through them, which is a testament to my endurance as a film fanatic. I've written already about some absolutely great horror movies that play on the fears of hapless travelers forced to stop for the night in a strange motel room and the terrible things that tend to happen as a result. But not all movies that try and play on those fears are actually good movies. Some are just plain terrible. And not so terrible that they are funny. Just plain bad. This list is more a warning not to waste your time with these terrible films.

1. 1408

This movie was one big disappointment for me. I have stayed in a haunted hotel before and am a fan of John Cusack, so I was absolutely thrilled to go see it. What followed was one big depressing let down. The movie wasn't really about a haunted hotel, it was about a father tormented by his grief over losing his daughter. He travels to haunted hotels and motels to write about all the creepy things happening but all the while he is hoping for a sign of an afterlife and perhaps a way of contacting his deceased child. But when he stays in Room 1408, he finds himself tormented and encouraged to end his own life as the only means of escape. But it isn't scary or even particularly creative. It's just...depressing.

2. Psycho II

Why someone would make a sequel to Hitchcock's masterpiece is beyond me. Some films should just not have sequels and this is one of them. After years in a mental institution, Norman Bates returns home to the Bates Motel. But is he free from his mother? He begins to get mysterious notes from her and then a teenage boy is murdered. The film tries hard to be a suspenseful thriller and recreate the terrifying magic of the original. But it just tries too hard. Even if you manage to suspend your belief long enough to be swept up in the mystery (Who is leaving the notes for Norman? Has he once again gone insane? Or is he simply tormented by those who won't let him forget the past?) you will spend most of the time rolling your eyes and wondering why they didn't just leave the great original alone, instead of marring it with this terrible followup.

3. Vacancy

The first half of this movie isn't really a horror movie. It's a bad drama. A bickering couple on the brink of divorce after the death of a child get lost on a road trip, only worsening their snipping at each other. Honestly, it was better when I saw it in "Rachel's Wedding." (Now that was a good movie.) But when we finally get to the scary stuff - a couple trapped in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of people who like to murder hapless motel guests for sport - it doesn't really seem worth the wait. The movie isn't about the scary killers (there isn't even a real backstory to explain why any of this is happening), it is about this couple rekindling their marriage by overcoming deadly adversity. The writers probably thought this would give the movie more depth than your typical horror film, but all it really did was make me wish they would stop whining already.

Road Trip Philosophy - My Top Three Road Trip Horror Movies

I have written before about how much I love movies about road trips and about how much I love horror movies about traveling, so it only makes sense that I should make a list of five road trip horror movies that I love endlessly. Now this is a list of good horror movies, not bad horror movies. That is a list I'm saving for later.

1. Texas Chainsaw Massacre

This iconic film created one of the most enduring horror movie killers of all time - Leatherface. A group of friends are on a road trip in rural Texas, but they make some classic horror movie mistakes. First, they pick up a hitchhiker (If you didn't learn not to do that from this movie, then watch "The Hitcher" and you'll know that speeding past a sketchy man by the side of a rural road is a good idea). Then they go into a strange house with an unlocked door. Finally, they split up. These are all things you simply don't do - in real life or a horror movie. But of course, it is now too late. They are at the mercy of the murderous Leatherface and his family of cannibals. Violent and terrifying, this is a classic film and no matter how many times they make sequels and remakes - nothing will ever be as good as the original.

2. Jeepers Creepers

Two siblings are going on a road trip home from college in a classic car along a back country road. What could go wrong? Apparently a Creeper awaking from his nap to go on a killing spree can go wrong. Darry, the brother, sees the Creeper dumping a body and convinces his sister to help him investigate. What he discovers is a horrifying collection of bodies and parts. They run to get help, with the Creeper close behind. Once he decides one of the siblings has something he wants, he's not going to stop hunting them until he gets it. Complete with a psychic trying to help and police who don't seem to be able to do a thing to help, it is a thrill ride as what supposed to be a nice trip home becomes a run for their lives from the supernatural. (By the way, the sequel to this is actually pretty good. As far as horror movie sequels go.)

3. House of 1000 Corpses

This film scares me and not many do. But maybe that is just because it is set up like a road trip I would go one. Two couples set out on the road to write a book about off-beat roadside attractions (sound familiar?), but then they make the same mistake as our travelers in "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" - they pick up a hitchhiker named Baby. But Baby leads them right into a trap. The couples end up at her house to celebrate her strange family's even stranger Halloween traditions. After dinner, the family puts on a Halloween show for their guests, but Baby takes things a little too far and is threatened. Mother tells the friends to leave, but as they try to do so they are attacked. What follows is a horrifying mind-trip into the frightening depravity of this sick and twisted family. This movie is definitely frightening and yet another reminder to never pick up hitchhikers - or you might end up having dinner with a family of crazies in the middle of nowhere.

Honorable Mention: Death Proof

I can't count the number of times I have seen Death Proof. The only reason I am reluctant to put in the top three is that I'm not sure it really qualifies as a "road trip" movie or even a "horror" movie. But in the spirit of thrillers like "Duel" and "Vanishing Point", this film will have you on the edge of your seat. Part of Robert Rodriquez and Quinten Tarantino's "Grindhouse" double feature, "Death Proof" is half the story of a serial killer stuntman with a car who likes to kill girls in car accidents that only he survives. But then he messes with the wrong girls who aren't about to go down easy. This film is part car-chase thriller, part twisted-psychological horror, and part girl-power. I can't recommend this movie enough, even if you only watch it to see Zoe Bell perform jaw dropping stunts while strapped to the hood of a car.

Road Trip Philosophy - My Top Three Horror Movies about Hotel Rooms

Anyone who has been on a long-distance road trip knows the feeling - you've been driving too long, it's gotten dark, you're bleary-eyed, and one more cup of coffee just won't do the trick. It's time to stop and get a hotel room for the night so you can get back on the road in the morning. You start scanning the sides of the road for a sign or maybe you wake up a passenger to look one up on a map or a GPS device. But once you find the motel, the inevitable happens - you remember that shower scene in "Psycho." Hollywood has played on the fears of late night road travelers when they are forced to stop for a night for decades. And here is my list of my top three horror movies that make me think twice about stopping for a motel room on the road (or a hotel with a haunted history).

1. Psycho

The first time I saw "Psycho" was by accident. I was at Universal Pictures Studios with my family and we were on a ride showing how some of the most famous scenes in movies were made. One was the infamous shower scene in "Psycho". My sister and I were both very young, I think I must have been about ten and she was around eight. Of course, we were promptly scarred for life after seeing that scene. For years, we were terrified about showers. It would be many, many years before I would come to love this movie and other great Hitchcock classics (I am also particularly fond of "The Man Who Knew Too Much"). But that is the enduring power of "Psycho". Young or old, this film burrows in your brain and plants a fear that stays with you the rest of your life - and makes you think twice about taking a shower in a motel.

2. Identity

A raging storm traps a group of complete strangers in a motel, but they have more to fear from the deranged killer among them then the nasty weather. As their numbers start to dwindle, they turn on each other to try and figure out who the killer is. All the while we know there is a psychotic killer being examined before he is to be executed for grisly murders in the hotel. It is a psychological thriller, complete with twists and turns that make you question who is the killer, who is real, and what exactly is going on. This film takes the traditional archetype - people trapped in a strange motel - and turns it on its head. Complete with a twist ending that will make you yell, "What just happened?!"

3. The Shining

It's not really about a motel and it's not about travelers forced to stop for the night, but you can't make a list of top horror movies involving motels or hotels and not include "The Shining"! That's some kind of sacrilege to the movie gods. Stanley Kubrick has made some of the most enduring films in cinema - from "Dr. Strangelove" to "Full Metal Jacket". But none are as truly terrifying as "The Shining". A writer takes his family to a secluded hotel for the winter so he can work as a caretaker and write. But then things start happening. Their son seems to be the only one with any real awareness of just how bad things are going to be, as the father begins to slip into madness under the influence of the hotel. It is one of the greatest horror films ever made. Scratch that. One of the greatest films ever made. "Heeeere's, Johnny!"

Liberty Hall - Lawrence, KS

If you want to watch a movie in Kansas, you could go to multiplex. It will have 20 screens, plenty of movies, overpriced tickets and concession stands, and the same experience you could get at home. Where is the fun in that? I've written before about my love of classic movie theaters, like the Rio Theater in Overland Park. I'm lucky to have another classic movie theater not too far from where I live at Liberty Hall in Lawrence.

They have only two screens - a little theater and a big theater. But what they lack in diversity they make up for in the quality of films. Sure, I could go see the latest romantic comedy with insipid dialogue at a corporate multiplex. Or I could go to Liberty Hall and see something good. Recently, I went there to see "Black Swan" in the big theater while "Inside Job" was playing the small theater. And while the concession stands have your typical staples like popcorn, they also serve alcohol. You can get a glass of wine or a draw of Free State beer to sip while you enjoy your film. (The beer doesn't have far to travel because the Free State Brewing Company is located just next door to the theater.)

If you're seeing a film in the big theater, you can go up the stairs to the balcony, which has small and closely packed theater seats. Or you could stay downstairs in the open hall. There, you can sit anywhere you like among the free standing chairs with tables set up (which is good if you need somewhere to rest your beer). The reason there is so much open space in the downstairs of the main theater is that the Liberty Hall is also a venue for concerts and local events.

In addition to being one of the cultural centers of Lawrence, Liberty Hall is also a very historical location. From 1855 to 1856, an abolitionist newspaper called "The Herald of Freedom" was published there. But then something happened that seems to have happened at one time or another to most buildings in Lawrence - it burned down. (Fun Fact: it was actually burned down by the Sheriff of Lawrence.) In 1882, the Bowersock House was built in the same spot. It was intended to be an opera house but also served as the site for public assemblies and city meetings. Until it burned down in 1911. But the Lawrence community has never been discouraged by a little fire and set about rebuilding once again. In 1912, the current Liberty Hall was built. It was renovated in 1980 but continues to serve as a cultural center for Lawrence - the place to go for concerts, movies, plays, operas, and even movie rentals.

For over 100 years, Liberty Hall has been the site for culture in Lawrence. It has survived the times and the flames, continuing to offer the people of Lawrence great films, great concerts, and a great place to go.

Total Time Traveled: 20 minutes

Total Distance Traveled: 6 miles

Soundtrack: "Super Taranta!" Gogol Bordello

Road Trip Philosophy - My Top 5 Movies about Road Trips

It's the first post of the new year (when we can finally drop this "two thousand and..." nonsense and just start saying twenty eleven), so I thought I'd offer some insight into one of my favorite things in the world - movies. Yes, I am absolutely obsessed with movies. My friends and family often marvel at my ability to know random bits of useless film trivia, to quote lines from most of the movies I have seen, and even the sheer number of movies I seem to have found time to watch in my short time on this earth. Everyone has their passions and films just happen to be one of mine. It seems fitting to begin this new year (and the third year of The Yellow Brick Road Trip), with a list of my favorite five movies about road trips.

1. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

"We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold." Has there ever been a greater or more outrageous opening line to a film? Hunter S. Thompson's book that served as the foundation for the film is one of the greatest written works of that time, serving to encapsulate the "high water mark" of a generation. Johnny Depp and Bencio Del Toro are incredible as they portray an eccentric journalist and his insane lawyer on a drug-fueled road trip to Las Vegas. The sheer visual spectacle of their escapades is captivating and the sense of unbridled adventure and insanity always make me want to jump into a convertible and hit the open desert road.

2. Little Miss Sunshine

All families are a little dysfunctional, but Little Miss Sunshine shows what happens when you put all that dysfunction into one van and send it hurtling towards California. I love each character for their own unique foibles - the unsuccessful motivational speaker father, the silent brother with a dream, the suicidal intellectual uncle, the heroin-using and sex-crazed grandfather, and above all the little girl with glasses and a dream. This film makes every family road trip I've been on seem like a five-star luxury retreat. But it also encapsulates the true meaning of a family road trip - it's not where you're going, it's spending time with your family along the way. And everything that goes wrong is just one more opportunity to bring you closer to the people you are stuck with.

3. Easy Rider

It is impossible for me to write about road trip films and not mention Easy Rider. Probably because I don't believe there has been a more culturally significant film about the free spirit of the open road. It is certainly controversial for its use of real drugs, but the epic story of two men searching the Southwest and South for true freedom captures the longing escape that can only be found on a deserted highway. When I first saw this film in high school, I don't think I really understood it. I latched on to the need to be untethered and see country, just as I did when I first read "On the Road" by Jack Kerouac. But as I have gotten older and continued to re-watch the film, I now feel as though Fonda and Hopper are conveying some deep truth. There is a desperate longing to the two lone bikers on the road. Some furious need to be free that burns within every soul and propels us forward to tragedy. This film always fans that sad little flame within me and by the time it is over, I am always looking at a map for some new far-flung destination in a place I have never been.

4. Tommy Boy

I did not go a day in middle school without hearing someone quote "Tommy Boy." This is without a doubt the funniest road trip movie I have ever seen and has the best, most quotable dialogue. The immature and accident-prone Chris Farley has incredible comedic timing as he delivers his enduring one liners ("Do you know where the weight room is?") and David Spade is the ultimate uptight straight man with a razor sharp tongue trying desperately to survive their misadventures ("Let's say the average person uses ten percent of their brain. How much do you use? One and a half percent. The rest is clogged with malted hops and bong resin"). In summarizing my love for "Tommy Boy" I suppose there is only one thing left to say: "Fat guy in a little coat."

5. Wristcutters: A Love Story

This movie was first recommended to me by my friend Kat, and I'll be honest and say I hesitated a long time before watching it. As much as I have a morbid sense of humor, I simply couldn't imagine a film about suicidal people being funny and heartwarming. Luckily, I recognized that Kat is often much smarter than me and rented this movie because it is funny, heartwarming, inspiring, and so much more. It is a film about second chances and finding the answers you didn't even know you were looking for on the road. After committing suicide, a man finds him stuck in an afterlife purgatory. He hits the road with a rock musician who committed suicide on stage and a girl who insists she is in the wrong place in search of the his old girlfriend, who has learned in also in purgatory after killing herself. Sounds depressing, I know, but this movie offers truth and philosophy about life and the road in a way I have never seen. Whether it is that anything lost under the passenger seat is gone for good or what you have is always better than what you are looking for, this is an enlightening film that will make you think even as it warms your heart.

Rio Theater – Overland Park, KS

I love the historic downtown of Overland Park. I love the architecture, I love the shops, I love the Farmers Market and I love the Rio Theater.

The old Rio Theater is a sanctuary for a film fanatic like myself, because it is a theater like theaters should be. This is not a modern multiplex with an over-priced concession stand and crappy movies on all of the thirty screens. This art-deco theater has an elegant lobby with plush velvety seats, and selective screenings. The theater doesn’t just show whatever crap has been released. No, it chooses the best of films – independent, art, foreign, documentary, and anything else that is truly worthy of being on their enchanting silver screen.

The last time I went to the Rio Theater was with my father to see the Woody Allen film “Whatever It Takes.” My father taught me about great films from an early age. When other kids were watching Disney, I was watching “The Philadelphia Story” and “Arsenic and Old Lace.” That doesn't mean I haven't seen "The Lion King," of course I watched the classic kid movies. But I also knew that "You've Got Mail" ripped off Jimmy Stewart's "Shop Around the Corner." Now in my twenties, I'm still a film nerd and I still like the old ones the best. For example, Humphrey Bogart will always be the greatest on screen detective in my opinion, whether it is in "The Maltese Falcon" or the film noir classic "Dead Reckoning."

My love of old movies makes my love of the old Rio movie theater quite natural. Going to the movies used to be a classic evening out. Men wore hats and women wore their nicest dresses to see the latest film. Now, tickets are over-priced, concession-stands make a candy bar cost more than a nice meal out, and there is always somebody texting or talking through the film. Going to the Rio Theater is going back in time and experiencing the cinema as it was, and still should be.

Total Time Traveled: 1.5 hours
Total Distance Traveled: 73 miles
Soundtrack: "Drunken Lullabies" Flogging Molly

International Horror and Sci-Fi Film Festival 2010 - Tempe, AZ

It was gall break and definitely needed some time away from law school. And what better way then two days of horror movies? So I called up my best friend and traveling companion, Anna, and we booked our flights. We spent two days at the International Horror and Sci-Fi Film Festival watching some great films and even got to meet the director of one of the films (The picture below is us with Matt Rogers, the director of Snuff). Below are the films we saw:

Horror Shorts A: This collection of short horror films included "Rise of the Appliance" (great for watching someone be attacked by grill), "Nice Guys Finish Dead" (what happens when a slasher falls in love with one of the campers), "MutantLand" (amazing animation and very creepy), "Abra Cadaver" (a failed magician tries to use women to complete his tricks, until one teaches him a lesson), "Zombie Monologues" (a new zombie critiques the zombie apocolypse to a journalist and his cameraman), "Recollection" (a man wakes up in the middle of a serial killer's spree, but doesn't know who he is), and "The Furred Man" (a man explains to police why he is wearing a furry costume and covered in blood).

El Monstro Del Mar: This was by far my favorite film of the entire festival! It is the absolute best in exploitation monster movies. Three gorgeous but deadly hired killers, Beretta, Blondie and Snowball, hole up in a small beach-side community to keep a low profile. But this town has a dark secret. The local old sea baron, Joseph, tries desperately to warn them to never go into the water. But these crazy vixens listen to no one, especially no crazy ass old fool. So the Kraken awakes! Now, along with Joseph and his beautiful grand daughter, Hannah, they must fight for their lives against this furious creature of the deep as the sea rises in a tidal wave of blood.

Snuff: A young director sets out with his friend and ex-girlfriend to make a documentary about pornography. They meet Alyssa, a young girl about to make her first porn. Despite tension and fighting among the crew, they set out to follow her into her new career as a porn star. But then Alyssa goes missing and the crew fears she may have fallen victim to a snuff film producer. Can they save her or will they die in the process? This movie was great and I also had a great time talking with Matt Rogers, the director. (Fun Fact: The "porn actresses" they interview are actually a local roller derby team.)

Ave Maria: When an aspiring filmmaker discovers his fiance is cheating on him with his best friend, he decides they have to die. To avoid being caught, he will kill other people to make it look like they were part of a fictional serial killer's spree. But even after he kills his fiance, the desire to kill remains. He embarks on making the first "crimentery" about his murders, but the police are starting to catch on. This was a good movie with an awesome twist ending, but the main character sounded like he was doing an impression of Hannibal Lecter throughout the whole movie. It was a great story with great cinematography, but the all the "Silence of the Lambs" influence took away from it.

Three Awesomely Bad Horror Movies about Airplanes

All good things must come to an end and so I eventually had to leave Chicago and my wonderful friend Anna. But then about three days later I was back on a plane at Kansas City International Airport heading towards Houston, Texas.

While Anna and I became friends in Oklahoma almost a decade ago, we have been scattered to the wind. My family has re-located and so has hers. Now her parents reside in Katy, Texas and I was thrilled to be visiting them. Anna and I prepared a list of absurd museums and roadside attractions to visit along with our usual get-together activities: pedicures and horror movies.

So in honor of our tradition, I thought I'd share a list of my three favorite awesomely bad horror films involving road trips. Then I realized that topic was way, way too broad. How do you really narrow that down with so many amazingly terrible movies to choose from? So I narrowed it down a little more - my favorite three awesomely bad horror movies about airplanes.

1. Red Eye

I'll pretty much watch anything that has Cilian Murphy in it. Whether he's wearing a dress in Breakfast on Pluto or a bag over his head in Batman Begins, Murphy is a good actor and a joy to watch. Murphy plays Jackson Rippner who is threatening to kill the father of Lisa Reisert (played by Rachel McAdams) unless she helps him set up a political assassination. For most of the movie, she tries to find clever ways to escape him and get help while the devious Rippner tries to keep his control. My favorite awesomely bad part of this movie is Reisert's choice of weapons. Like when they are in a house and she runs through a kitchen full of knives to grab her field hockey stick. Or on the plane when she gives him a ball point pen tracheotomy (similar to the one seen in Saw V).

2. Final Destination

When it comes to awesomely bad horror movies, the Final Destination series is among the best. The first film is about Death stalking survivors of a plane crash, the second is about Death stalking survivors of a car crash and the third is about Death stalking survivors of a roller coaster crash. Noticing a trend here? I think the entire purpose of this film is just to see how sickly creative horror writers can get. Like they are sitting around a room, getting drunk and saying to each other, "How many ways can we behead a guy?" And as they pass around the bottle, a Final Destination film is written. Whatever mental illness or amount of alcohol it took to create these films, I am so glad they exist. Because they are just terrible and the ways people are die are absolutely bizarre. But that's what makes them awesomely bad and so much fun to watch!

3. Snakes on a Plane

This horror/thriller/comedy and all-around bad movie was re-written and re-shot to incorporate the comments of the film's Internet fanbase before it was released. And therefore this film is the ultimate warning of why you should never take anything said on the Internet seriously. Personally, I think this movie was made just so Samuel L. Jackson could say, "I'm sick of these motherf***ing snakes on this motherf***ing plane!" And that was the only thing that made it worth watching. And the scene about sporks. That was pretty awesome, too.


These three films are my personal favorite awesomely bad horror movies about airplanes. But there are hundreds of other great awesomely bad horror films you can add to this list. Some involving airplanes and some not. Some awesomely bad, some intentionally awesomely bad (like Dusk til Dawn) and some awesomely good (like Psycho). Go ahead, post your list. I'd love to see them!

Total Travel Distance: 1,290 miles (From Chicago to Kansas City, then Kansas City to Katy)