When I was in college, I had two of the coolest friends in the world - Bess and Mir Mir. Bess was studying film and wanted to do a documentary for a class about Hell. She interviewed numerous religious authorities about Hell as a place. She decided the narrative of the film would be our trip to Hell, Michigan. That's right, we were going to Hell!
We went all out in preparation. Mir Mir borrowed a car and we taped a figurine of Buddy Christ to the dashboard compass so we could yell "Which way to Hell, Jesus?" I put together some mix tapes to celebrate our road trip in an appropriate fashion (meaning a lot of AC/DC). The coup de gras was a cardboard sign tapped to the window - The Handbasket. We were going to Hell in the Handbasket!
We set off for Hell early one morning, AC/DC blasting on the radio as we left the big city of Chicago behind for the open highway of Indiana. But it came to a quick and sudden halt when we were pulled over by Indiana Highway Patrol. All highway cops have the same walk, they put their thumbs in the pockets and point to their packages as they saunter up to your car - keeping in mind their packages are at the drivers eye level. Even their wide legged slow approach is perverse.
After taking his time to approach the car, the cop leaned over to Mir Mir in the driver's seat and said, "Where are you in such a hurry to?" Bess shot me the dirtiest look in the world. I curled up in the backseat and covered my mouth. I wanted to say it, oh god, I wanted to say it! Mir Mir got a speeding ticket which we laughed about and as soon as the cop walked away I couldn't hold it in anymore.
"We're in a hurry to get to Hell, officer!"