My worst experience on the L was late at night with my sister who had just come to visit me in Chicago for the first time. We were on the 95th/Dan Ryan Red Line when a very inebriated man who probably hadn't washed in a month sat down next to me. I reminded my sister of public transportation rule number one: ignore everyone around you. So we pretended he wasn't there.
Needless to say, I jumped up and grabbed my sister to move us to different seats. A couple minutes later though, I peeked back over to the man to see if he was still there. He was. And he was...pleasuring himself. Needless to say, both my sister and I were permanently traumatized that the man who had been attempting to feel me up only moments ago had now decided to publicly....um, enjoy...himself.
I told you. Never ride the L after midnight. Or else a drunk and possibly homeless man will use you in ways you really wish you didn't know about.