March 30, 2009

Roadtrip Philosophy - The Five Worst Types of Drivers

I obviously spend a lot of time on the road, something that I find to be an incredibly therapeutic experience. Nothing makes me happier than driving 75 miles an hour down an open stretch of highway listening to loud music, beating my steering wheel to the beat and smoking a cigarette.

But sometimes these moments of tranquil bliss are disturbed. Not by a guarded speed zone designed to trick the naive traveler, no I've long ago learned how to watch out for those. And not by the sudden change in weather conditions, though I didn't like sliding off the road the other day. No, my roadtrip serenity is more often disturbed by the other drivers. Here is my list of the top five worst kind of drivers.

  1. The Talker - On one of my first roadtrips, I mentioned I was nearly hit by a car running a stop sign. Why did the driver run the stop sign? Apparently, she was taking such an important phone call she failed to notice the bright red octagon to her right or the car in the intersection. I do not answer my phone when I'm driving because I can always call the person back. I have yet to get a phone call so important I have to answer while I'm driving. Or maybe that says something about my own popularity.

  2. The Texter - This is way more obnoxious than the Talker. While a person may be chatting on the phone, they still have one hand on the wheel and their eyes on the road. The Texter is using both hands to push buttons, staring at their cell phone and steering their car through traffic with their knees. I don't understand how people even do this or why!

  3. The Surprise Lane Changer - This drives me nuts! I am a very courteous driver. I slow down to let people into my lane when they are merging onto the highway. I wait my turn at the stop sign. But I how can I let you in my lane if you don't freaking signal?! It is a simple warning to the other cars on the road but it is an important one.

  4. The After Church Driver - People who tailgate and speed are manageable. I just move into the right lane and let them hurtle towards their own fiery, twisted metal endings. But the After Church Driver seems to enjoy slowing down traffic. Going 15 miles an hour in 35 speed zone, they will do anything to keep you behind them from slightly swerving out of their lane, signaling one way and then going another, or any other number of tricks to keep you from getting around them. I call them the After Church Driver because I encounter them most commonly on Sunday afternoons, often they are the elderly who haven't had their licenses taken away yet. But I'm on to them! I swear they know what they are doing and are just messing with us!

  5. The After Bar Driver - I'm not going to judge anyone here, but I don't like being on the road with drunk drivers. They make me incredibly nervous because I can't predict what they are going to do. I have heard of people barreling the wrong way down a highway or T-boning a car at a stoplight...they just make me nervous! When I encounter them on Friday and Saturday nights, I stay several feet behind them so I can react to whatever they do. But if you have to talk, text or turn without signaling, at least do me a favor and don't drive drunk!
Those are, in my opinion, the five worst types of drivers. But feel free to add some of your own by commenting!


  1. I just passed my driving test last week I'll most likely be #3, not on purpose though..but still annoying as hell to other drivers. I think bar the 5th one there I've experience every one of those just in my lessons!

  2. I've experienced them all and loathe as much as you do -- off with their heads!

  3. There is one interesting combo-driver I encounter sometimes-- they're the person who absolutely FORCES their way into your lane with some speed...

    And then drives really slowly, or brakes through intersections where the light MIGHT turn red.

    I always think, "If you were in such an all-fired hurry you had to be in front of me, and not in the giant empty space behind me-- why are you doing 20 and braking now?" :)

  4. I should add what I dealt with last night on the highway - the person driving at night with their brights on and angled just right behind you so the light reflects off the rear view mirror and side mirror directly into your eyes!